It was a busy weekend

and it’s Wednesday today and I still feel for the want of a better term hungover from it. Friday was spent doing some shopping and downloading and making some hard drive space. Saturday was National Scrapbooking Day and even though I had been really looking forward to the day I ended up feeling too sick to really do much. I did a bit of scrapping and forum reading but stayed away from chats as I felt I wouldn’t be able to keep up. It wasn’t a bad day overall since I managed to get 3 layouts completed. This is the first National Scrapbooking Day I can remember since I started scrapping where I haven’t spent the day rushing around trying to take everything in. I was hoping I would get some challenge done here and there but never managed it, I had already picked up the stuff I wanted in the sales and in the end I can’t say there was really anything I sat there thinking, I wish I had done that. It just makes me wonder where along the way I lost interest in it all. I don’t even get the same thrill out of creating layouts that I used to, I mean I enjoy it but not in the same way. Maybe it’s just because of feeling so ill and the pregnancy I don’t know. Sunday was our trip to Legoland that really deserves a post of its own, I just can’t be bothered today lol. Monday was a bank holiday so Lukas was off school and we both spent the majority of the day trying to get over the day before. Yesterday I spent the day trying to scrap and spending some time leaving love on the other Queen Of Scrap layouts at Scrap Matters. As for today I am not entirely sure where the time has gone. I got up, had a bath, got dressed, had some food and then Lukas was home. I have been kind of sitting here not doing much since then apart from bathing him and feeding him. He’s playing the laptop I am considering starting a layout and kind of hoping he will go to bed soon so I can join him lol. Tomorrow I have a midwife appointment and it’s Mark’s day off work so I probably won’t get much done then either. As far as I know we have no plans for Friday or the weekend I am just hoping I will be feeling a little bit better by then. *sigh* anyway I have a few layouts to share with you the first one was created using a new collab kit by Royanna and Karen Heckathorne (KarenHeckYeah) called Kitschy Chic, it was released in the store today so I can share it now.

Credits: Layered template (NSD Freebie 09) by Chrissy W and Kitschy Chic by Royanna Lea Fritschmann and Karen Heckathorne (KarenHeckYeah). Font is Unnamed Melody.
The other 3 were the ones I made on Saturday for the Queen Of Scrap contest at Scrap Matters, some of the other girls have already scrapped 20+ layouts, but I never signed up for it with the intention to win I just wanted some motivation to scrap.

Credits: Layered template (Digi Journal Set 1, Template 2) by Britt-ish Designs and EZ Dreams by Erica Zane. Font is DJB Mandy by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling reads: Dear Fidget, When I found out that I was pregnant this time around, I felt as if I had been thrown into a kind of emotional blender. I was happy and scared, terrified and excited, nervous and thrilled all at the same time. With everything that has happened in the past we knew things were never going to be plain sailing. We just crossed our fingers and hoped that this time things would be different. Before every scan we had the fear in the back of our minds that this might be the day they told us it had all gone wrong again, but with each view of your heartbeat we allowed a little bit more hope to creep in. Unfortunately the fears still lingered for us all, and as we got closer to finding out your sex new ones started to blossom in my heart. I worried that you would replace Leo, and the only way I was able to calm these fears was to hope with all my heart and soul that you were a girl. When they did the scan and said you were a boy, I honestly felt like my heart broke into a million pieces. I was suddenly so filled with panic that I couldn’t bring myself to acknowledge you in any way. I couldn’t allow myself to love you because I would be betraying Leo, I wanted to hate you but my heart wouldn’t let me. I felt so lost within myself, and so confused by my own emotions. For the first few days after we found out I pretty much did nothing but cry. Everytime instinct made me want to touch my stomach I pulled my hands away and was furious with myself. My head was telling me that it was wrong to connect with you but my heart disagreed. I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions and fighting a constant battle with myself. I thought about Leo a lot, sometimes when you moved it felt as though you were mocking me. Taunting me that you were here and he wasn’t. When I looked at Lukas and I saw how excited he was to be having another baby brother I was even more confused. More than anything I couldn’t bear that you would replace Leo in his heart. It took me a while to realise that it didn’t matter how I felt. I could stop myself from loving you about as easily as I could stop the sun from rising each day. You had already captured a piece of my heart for yourself the minute I saw those two lines on the pregnancy test. It will get easier with time, but until it does just know that i’m sorry for the way I feel and I love you.

Credits: Layered template (Tuesday Template, 18th November 08) by Jeni Hopewell, Space Ranger and Tabby Dates by Britt-ish Designs and Sweet Treats by Jeannie Papai. Font is DJB Miss Liz by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling reads: When I asked you what you wanted to dress up as for Halloween, you told me that wanted to be Buzz Lightyear from the disney film Toy Story. I went to all of the usual toy shops and had no luck finding a costume. I decided that my best option would be to try and buy you one on Ebay. After many hours of me searching I stumbled across on in your size, placed a bid and kept my fingers crossed I would win it so you wouldn’t be disappointed. I ended up paying a lot more than I wanted to but figured you were worth it. When it arrived you were really excited, and couldn’t wait to put it on. Only once it was on the novelty of wearing it lasted about 5 minutes. In the days leading up to Halloween I asked you if you were excited about going trick or treating. It was then you decided to tell me that you had changed your mind and didn’t want to go trick or treating or dress up. When Halloween came I spent the evening asking if you were sure you didn’t want to go. But when a friend from school knocked on the door in costume you changed your mind. Then came a mad rush for me to find your costume, put it on you and find something for you to put your goodies into. I ended up covering a bucket in tin foil. We walked to the end of the street and you announced that you were fed up and wanted to go home. It wasn’t until afterwards that I realised I hadn’t even taken any photos of you dressed up. and you refused to even entertain the possibility of dressing up again for me. It wasn’t exactly a happy halloween that year!

Credits: Layered template (Keep It Simple Sweetie June, Template 2) by Angela and Emily Powers, Space Ranger by Britt-ish Designs and Sparkalicious Stitches by Kami Leonard (Ziggle Designs). Font is DJB Malea by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling reads: I can’t remember who it was that bought you this Buzz Lightyear car, but they obviously have great taste. This is one of the few toys you really like to play with and always seem happy to find in the toybox. You can spend hours at a time just pushing it around the house. You make up stories about Buzz and even do sound effects. It’s worth the headache to see you so happy.

I will be back to add the enabling later or more likely tomorrow. Right now I have a few things I need to try and find the motivation to do like check my emails lol.

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Posted on May 6, 2009, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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