You know those days

where you know you have done a lot of things that need to be done, but to everyone else it looks like you have done absolutely nothing all day well today has been one of those days. I have been organizing some files, tagging in ACDSee and generally cleaning up the computer. I know that what I have done will save me a lot of time when I want to scrap with the items, and I also know that I have removed a lot of useless files and freed up space on the computer I just wish that there was a way to validate how I have spent my time to other people. There’s no finished product to show them and since I have been organising specific files I want to use later in the week it’s not like I have even made computer space anyone would notice. It’s kind of frustrating that a lot of the things I do have no visible evidence for the want of a better term. If I felt better I could get up and start doing some of the other important things and I wouldn’t have to listen to the comments about “doing nothing” and “wasting time”. Since I don’t have the energy to do anything at the moment I kind of end up doing the things I can do while sitting down like watching television with Lukas, playing games on the laptop with him, reading to him or like today letting him play on the laptop all by himself while I sit here and organise files. The only other thing I feel capable of doing right now is laying in my bed and sleeping. I like to think that at least organizing files is useful even if it only of use to me lol. I often wish I had spent some time properly organizing files when I first started scrapping instead of always trying to make a dent in the huge mess I have ended up with. Maybe one day I will finally be able to find a way that I can stay on top of it all, right now I would be happy just to have something in my life organized it’s so hard to live surrounded by chaos and mess. Mark is off work tomorrow and I made him promise he will tackle Lukas’s bedroom. He has been promising to start it for a while. It was Nan’s bright idea to have Conor’s old bed in there, it’s a metal frame with a high bunk bed and a pull out sofa underneath. In theory it’s not a bad idea it’s just in practice it leaves practically no space at all and even when his room is tidy (not very often I admit), it still looks messy and overcrowded. That always leads to Nan complaining about the mess and then me feeling fed up. We have plans to buy him a new bed that has under bed storage but before we do that we need to spend a lot of time getting rid of some of the “stuff” that’s in there. It’s hard because the room is tiny anyway and Lukas has so many toys and books and other bits and pieces. Add in the fact that we also have to have a microwave in there to cook in (because Nan doesn’t like us using the one downstairs, it’s a long story), we are currently using the shelving unit we put up to store food and things on so we don’t have to drag downstairs and bring everything we need to use upstairs and that since Lukas won’t sleep in the bunk bed because he’s terrified of heights and also because he prefers to sleep in my room the bunk bed is currently another place to store things Lukas’s stuff has even less space than normal to fit into. That’s one of the reasons I am desperate for us to have a place of our own. It would be so nice to not have to shove everything we own into two bedrooms, to be able to cook whatever we wanted and not have to rely on microwaving things upstairs that are on the allowed list and to just not have to listen to the endless complaining and moaning from Nan about the mess. I often feel like she doesn’t appreciate that I feel too ill to do things, Mark works 5 days a week until midnight and that we are trying to fit so much stuff into such a small amount of space. She’s always saying we should get rid of stuff but the problem is we need most of it. Our bedroom is a office/living room/bedroom/dining room we are in here all day everyday and Lukas’s room is a tiny kids room/kitchen/storage area. I keep telling Mark we need to get the housing situation sorted but he just ignores the problem and carries on his own merry way. When Mark is off work he either at his dad’s house doing washing since Nan refuses to do it (that’s a long story too that in the simplest of terms comes back to Mark being a lazy ignorant git lol) or he’s sat around watching the television or playing the computer. I am tired out from begging him to do things I can’t on Sundays when he doesn’t work and him spending the whole day watching sport, ignoring me and Lukas and then causing a row when I point out how little he has done. I am starting to panic a little about how much needs to be done before the baby is born, the more stressed out I get the more useless I become. I hate that I am having issues with my balance again and the dizziness that I had with all my previous pregnancies is so much worse this time around. I want to do things so I don’t have to ask Mark anything and cause a row but I am so limited in what I am able to do. I hate having to depend on Mark for anything, especially stupid things like not even being able to have a bath without supervision. Babies are worth it but that doesn’t mean pregnancy doesn’t suck. *sigh* I just need some decent sleep and enough energy to be useful and I swear I won’t even complain about the pain and discomfort. Being ill is making everything so much harder, and being emotional makes it hard to say anything without it ending up either causing an argument or making me cry. Sorry this has turned into a bit of a rant hasn’t it. I guess I had a lot more on my mind than I thought that I needed to get out. Hopefully tomorrow will be better but since it happens to be both Mark and Nan’s day off I wouldn’t count on it.

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Posted on April 7, 2009, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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