Miss you baby
Night times when I can’t sleep are the times when I shed my tears. When I realise exactly how much I miss Leo. I think now is when I can talk about how I feel with the added guilt I feel when Lukas is around. He asks me all the time why he cant have his “Lilo” back, he looks at babies in prams and starts to cry and ask me why we can’t have one. He tells me a lot that its not fair and he misses Leo, he wants him back and why won’t mummy go and get him. He doesn’t understand and I don’t know how to ease his pain when I feel so much of my own and I try and hide it. Lately Lukas has been getting angry with me and everyone else a lot, Nan took Leo’s picture down to dust the other day and he went mad. He tells me off all the time when he looks through my layouts and sees none of Leo. I had to dig out all the cds to show him how many I have. I only keep one/two months worth of layouts on my machine at a time. When he sees layouts of Leo they make him cry they make me cry making them. I think what’s bothering Lukas is he thinks we have forgotten about Leo. We try not to mention him a lot because it upsets him.I feel like I just can’t win either way. It’s wrong to mention him and wrong to not mention him. I made a layout with that photo of Leo that I love (the one that won the Oh Angel Baby competition at Divine Digital). I hope that makes Lukas a little happier. Hopefully if he can see that Leo is gone but will never ever be forgotten he will feel less sad. I used the new kit I bought earlier Lost Gifts By Stacy Carlson.